Art Entry 4: Nature Journaling 3

Wow since the last time I blogged so much has changed! I finished my AmeriCorps service year in WA, moved back in with my mother while working a remote Communications part-time job for a land trust in Wisconsin, then got hired to be a full time Program Coordinator in Illinois! (which I will be moving to in about 4 weeks). 

Why am I talking about my life on a Nature Journaling post? Well this nature journal that I finished is all critters and plants from my most recent AmeriCorps year. So it will also be a celebration of my accomplishments and hard work. Enjoy. 

An Exploration of Dyke, Lesbian, and Trans Man Intersections

 

List of Content Warnings For This Blogpost:

Use of reclaimed slur: gypsy 

Use of reclaimed queer slurs: dyke, fag

Mentions of terf ideology

Foreward

Last year, I completed a short research paper based on interviews with trans men lesbians for an independent queer online magazine. The magazine was unfortunately taken down so I am updating and archiving my essay here on my blog so that people can still view and share it. 

Introduction

    The New York City Dyke March's website states that "Any person who identifies as a dyke is welcome to march regardless of gender expression or identity, sex assigned at birth, sexual orientation, race, age, political affiliation, religious identity, ability, class, or immigration status" (2018). There is a rich history of trans men being a part of the lesbian community and today there are still many trans men who identify as dykes, lesbians, and sapphics. This is because lesbianism and dyke culture allow for an exploration of lesbian sexuality in which there has always been the "link between gender and sexual transgression [which] opens up many possibilities for the expression of lesbian sexuality" (Alpert, 1997). Trans men are dykes and lesbians because they say they are, and they have always been a part of building lesbian/dyke community and exploring what it means to be a lesbian/dyke.

    

    Despite being a part of lesbian history, many trans men lesbians are vilified by terfs, swerfs, and blerfs just as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, aromantic, asexual, and many other sexualities and romantic orientations are. Terfs, swerfs, and blerfs are people who are trans exclusionary, sex worker exclusionary, and bi/pan/omni/etc exclusionary in their feminism practices (example: trans exclusionary radical feminists=terfs). I believe that trans men who identify as lesbians are vilified for the same reason that Sharon Stone explained in her essay: for being impure and bringing "male" energy to "lesbian spaces" (1996). I highly recommend reading this source for delving into lesbian separation history, which includes the pushing out of queer women who may or may not be attracted to men, as well as trans women, trans men, and many other trans folks from the lesbian community. This is a topic that could take up several pages of its own so I shall not endeavor to speak more on this subject for now as the focus is on trans men identifying as lesbians in general and celebrating their diverse experiences rather than addressing in detail how to push back against this queerphobic separation in our community. 

Specifically, this article's goal is to learn from trans men about their lesbianism. In the past, trans men have been "deliberately excluded from certain gay and lesbian spaces based on some perceived biological and/or gendered and sex 'imperfections'...Lesbian events and places have been particularly vigilant in policing sexual and gender expressions" (Nash, 2016). "Queer explorations of lived experiences reveal 'the indeterminacy, contingency, malleability, and often oppressive nature" of the binary systems of thinking that have led to trans mens' exclusion from queer spaces of all kinds (Nash, 2016). Thus, by listening to trans men dykes and lesbians we can learn from them about lesbian history that has been erased, ignored, and violently policed so that we can stop making the mistakes of the past and hurting our communities and ourselves by trying to force people into boxes and binaries. From their life stories we can be inspired to break gender boundaries, find community, explore our identities and perceptions, and live queerly and true to ourselves. 

Interviews with Trans Men Lesbians

    Below you will find four lesbians' responses to interview questions that I asked them about their experiences identifying as both trans men and lesbians. I regret not being able to just hand you the entire transcripts and the words that inspired me deeply but someday I would perhaps like to include them in a book as well as conduct more interviews. 

    First, let me introduce you to our wonderful interview volunteers.

    Rob is a 34 year old, she/her pronoun using Romany Gypsy with EDS and arthritis. She has contextual labels which come from identifying with the BDSM/leather community and growing up as a queer in dykespace which include: "genderqueer, genderfuck/fucker, Ursula, leatherdyke, steriod dyke, Butch, fag dyke."

    Rome is a white 15 year old with ADHD, anxiety, and OCD. They go by they/them, rey/rem/rys, and he/him pronouns. He is genderfluid, genderqueer, nonbinary, and multigender. Rey also identifies as bi, aro, and abro.

    Orion Ovaettr is a 29 year old, white Hispanic/Italian Autistic with ADHD. Xe is a trigender trans man/maverique/gendervoid person and uses he/him/his and xe/xem/xyr pronouns. He is both bisexual and bi lesbian specifically and floats between them depending on xyr gender expression for the day, often overlapping.

    Thomas is a 26 year old, white trans man who has ADHD and depression. He identifies with both lesbian and bisexual.

Interviews Question 1: How long have you identified as a lesbian?

Rob: since 10 or 11

Rome: [when he was really young] the first aspect of queerness I realized about myself was that I liked girls right?...I settled on lesbian. THEN i figured out i was nonbinary, and i thought that because i was nonbinary and NOT a girl or "fem aligned" (lol) i couldnt id as a lesbian anymore! and that hurt but i just let the label go UNTIL i got on twitter and i saw a bunch of transmasc/ trans men / nonbinary lesbians! so yeah then i started to id as a lesbian again. This was like a year ago...but i sorta always knew

Orion: I originally identified as a nonbinary lesbian when I was early in my transition and only was in touch with that part of my gender identity at the time. I shifted back to bisexual when I came out as a trans man too, but then found myself very comfortable with the bi lesbian label after about 2 years of being an out trans man too. I felt like I was coming home to my sexuality when I came to a comfortable spot as a bi lesbian where it felt like all my aspects were being respected by myself. About 23-24 [years old] I started Iding as a lesbian. Originally was bisexual from 12 years old to 24. 

Thomas: on and off for about a decade. Most recently finding that it suits me & feels relevant to my experience

Interview Question 2: How do you define your lesbianism? What does being a lesbian mean to you?

Rob: My own lesbianism is definitely related to having grown up in dykespace and dyke culture...my own lesbianism is absolutely part of that continuum of "Lesbians as 'deviant women' who strayed from the path of being feminine wives", where our own little corner of dykespace was a home for anyone who was a "bad woman" - ie trans women, women who had sex with other women, masculine/butch/tomboy people assigned female (regardless of their gender, if they wanted to belong they did) etc...I suppose to me the core of my lesbianism is "Keep prioritising that world and kind of person" - Against patriarchy, against complementarianism, and extremely-pro bodily autonomy, whether we're talking about modification, reproduction, sexuality, work etc, it's about being able to have a good, desirable life without needing to think in terms of being a complement to an idealised masculine-man. 

Rome: well it's kinda a gender. It's also an orientation for me but it's more so like a community and a gender. Being a lesbian is idk about being loving and loyal and caring for your community. It's also about loving women and other lesbians. I ID as it b/c it makes me happy. 

Orion: Lesbianism to me is the celebration of women and nonbinary people in a way that touches a vibrant and loud inner core that beams brightly with love for people who resonate with lesbianism too. When I see events like The Dyke Marches happening in various cities, that's where I see my lesbianism at home with. The loud and proud accepting of fluidity, authenticity of people and all their beauty. The resistance against a world trying to bend you around a certain way to be. What being a lesbian means to me is being authentic to myself and my inner child that has always wanted to be with women and lots of diff[erent] nonbinary people. To be in touch with that softness but also sharp nature of existing against everything the world sets up for you. I feel like I am connecting back to nature in my being a bi lesbian. 

Thomas: What being lesbian means to me as a trans man is coming from the point of view of being made to live as a woman, or having others constantly question & doubt my identity as a trans man because I am attracted to women. This was all when i was more young & impressionable to comments such as "you're not a man yuo're just a lesbian/tomboy" from friends/family. I feel that in some way, eother [either] forced upon me or because it's what I knew, I have experienced life as a lesbian or sapphic person

Interview Question 3: What do you love about the lesbian community?

Rob: I think that our tendency to want to help each other out, without necessarily being possessive, is the absolute heart of it. And knowing that in dyke spaces I won't be seen as a strange outlier, as disgusting for (eg) taking testosterone, being someone with a history as a woman who's attracted to women, being a woman who is a man, doing all of these things that the patriarchy forbids to "women" - They're all normal within this little parallel world we've made. 

Rome: I love my little inclusive bubble of lesbian community. they are loving and caring and gender and awesome. I love the transness and the playing with gender. I love how dedicated my group at least is to politics of liberation

Orion: I adore the radical acceptance of the lesbian community. You can be anyone you wanna be, look any which way, mess with gender or lack therof, and still be accepted with a home in the lesbian community. These are the wisest people I know too. Every person in my life who is a fellow lesbian guide[s] me to a better tomorrow, where we all will celebrate love, hard won victories, the continued fight for life, and tenacity of the community together. 

Thomas: I have a high respect for the elder queers who paved the way for us to be here now, to have the freedom to do things such as things. I love learning about our history, and the trans women that started it. I also love that lesbians are more online than I have ever seen before

Interview Question 4: What would you like other people to know about what it's like being a trans man lesbian?

Rob: That outside of the internet, it's not a big deal - Like, that the boundaries of "Dyke" and "Trans" in the physical world aren't the cut-and-dried ones that the internet wants to pretend they are...I love having that ability to be both fully a man and fully a woman with my partners, and more to the point for them to have the space to be either or neither or both when they're with me, without it being something that they have to think of as either "Just a meaningless kink" or "A deadly serious important part of my identity"

Rome: [That] it's not really a big deal or anything. Like I'm just vibing

Orion: That you aren't a contradiction to yourself, you're not a predator in the community for identifying with masculinity and being a trans man. You're still a man and you're not antithetical to lesbianism. Lesbians love and accept all gender journeys and there will always be a home for you alongside other lesbians who are trans men, trans masculine, masculine nonbinary, or masculine women (trans or cis), etc. There is space for being who you are without having to "give up" or say goodbye to a part of yourself. 

Thomas: It feels difficult to talk about in public spaces. I have a general level fear of being out about this because of the way that lesbian is restricted and gatekeeped online. I see people say "only non-men can be lesbians" a lot which not only endangers trans women, it makes me feel that there is no nuance allowed for experiences such as mine, where I identify with the lesbian experience. 

Conclusion

    Talking to different trans men means hearing lived queer experiences that will share similarities but also reflect on individual, varied personal experiences. Trans men are not a monolith and neither are trans men lesbians. Lesbian as a whole is full of diversity, complications, and different queer stories. Radical acceptance, playing with gender, liberation, fluidity, authenticity, inclusivity, reclamation, these are the words trans men use to describe being a lesbian in their lesbian community. These trans men identify as lesbians, dykes, bisexuals, nonbinary, and more to fully encompass who they are. From them we can learn to break free of our boxed, binary assimilationist thinking with the expectation that others must always fully understand us. We can always learn from one another and increase our understanding of one another but who we are can be determined by no one else but ourselves. 

References

Alpert, Rebecca. (1997). Like bread on the sedar plate: Jewish lesbians and the transformation of tradition. Columbia University Press.

Nash, C. J. (2016). Queer conversations: Old-time lesbians, transmen, and the politics of queer research. Queer Methods and Methodologies. (p. 129-142). Routledge.

New York City Dyke March. (2018). The New York City Dyke March. https://www.nycdykemarch.com/

Stone, S.D. (1996). Bisexual women and the "threat" to lesbian space: or what if all the lesbians leave?Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies, 16(1), 101-116. 

Poetry Entry 8: The Leaning Tower

 

Picture by Jaime Webb

I came across a nature formed tower

Formed from a tree's skeletal remains.

This carbon abode claimed by

tenants of round, dark-green moss.

The grand entryway at the bottom

thin but sturdy, the tower

thickening as you look up 

floor by floor.

An elegant, modern design

of vertical stripes in shades of

grey, white, brown, and

red decorate the leaning tower.

Balconies of jutting limbs

provide sunny relaxing spots

for moss visitors.

The roof provides a launching spot

for the next generation of spores

to leave the nest for their

own towers, whether stump

or living tree or moist ground. 

I would be very lucky 

to live in a wooden tower

if I were a moss. 

Poetry Entry 7: Beings

 

Picture by Jaime Webb

I share these lands and 

waters with so many beings

I cannot even count

them all. Known in 

groups: animals, plants

fungi, protists

and bacteria.

What stories would they

share if I was able

to listen and understand?

Through my patience and

quiet noticing, I'm gifted

with a few pieces

of this larger puzzle.

Through my imagination

I picture these other

beings' lives.

I say hello to those

encountered and look

forward to meeting

the rest of life. 

Jaime's Thoughts 1: The Way We Think About Ecological Succession

Photo Citation: Sebastian Unrau

 The Way We Think About Ecological Succession

    Ecological Succession is defined as "the process of change in the species structure of an ecological community over time" which is caused by species interactions within this ecological community and the environment (Wikipedia). A common example of ecological succession is the forest succession process where a clearing is created in a forest due to a disturbance, say a fire or flood, then slowly becomes a shrubland then young trees then older trees and then a forest composed of older trees, young trees, and undergrowth such as shrubs, grasses, flowers, etc. An example can be seen in the photo from Wikipedia down below.

    The way we think about ecological succession in the academic sciences though is full of language from western culture that is related to social and environmental harm. The first species to grow in a disturbed area are currently called Pioneer Species who are said to colonize the land when they arrive first to a disturbed area. Manifest Destiny, and America's support of pioneers/settlers in history, aimed to conquer the wilderness and violently removed Indigenous people from the land as a part of colonization. The act of colonizing the land was NOT beneficial to the ecological communities as forests were cleared, prairies were plowed, wetlands were polluted by livestock, and predators were exterminated and many prey animals over-hunted. This is a far cry from the way pioneer species who are the first to live on disturbed landscapes often actually improve the stability of the ecosystem and pave the way for the following steps of ecological succession. 

    For example, during Primary Succession where there is zero or almost no soil, lichens are the first to arrive and over time, contribute to the creation of soil which allows other species to then live there. During Secondary Succession where there was a disturbance, some early arrival plants such as red alder are nitrogen fixers who help increase the amount of nitrogen in the soil, a nutrient that is vital to plants but is very limited. 

    Due to this connection between the historical pioneers and their contributions to environmental harm through colonization, I propose that pioneer species be renamed to something that reflects their ecosystem benefits more holistically. One potential word could be Initiators as they are the first to arrive at a disturbed site and initiate ecosystem changes. Since not all species who arrive at a disturbed site will inherently support the species that follow, they could also simply be called Early Successional Arrivals. as that succinctly describes how they are first to arrive and thrive. Initiators could be reserved for species such as lichens and red alder who do help support the succession stages. 

    Currently, the end of the succession stage is called a Climax Community, such as an Oak-Hickory Forest in the Midwest states. This is seen as an end state since the community went from grassland to forest. However, disturbance such as a fire can restart the succession process all over again or there may be several different potential climax states. For example, an Oak-Hickory Forest can become a different type of forest made up of different tree species. Some people do already use Equilibrium Species rather than climax species since the community's species composition only remains that way while it is in equilibrium, and is subject to change. Rather than viewing certain end states as a climax that is inherently supposed to remain, it is better to view ecological communities as constantly in flux at different stages of succession. After all, having only forest and no mixed forest and grasslands would not be able to support as much biodiversity.

    Using words to talk about ecological succession that focus on the species' interactions without using words that are based in themes of control/domination or being static as pioneer and climax do, helps to improve our own understanding of the ways ecosystems and ecological communities work while removing language with that violent history. 

I have a BA in Environmental Science and MA in Environmental Education and so I have not cited a lot of sources as this is a rather informal blog for my thoughts and I have a lot of professional knowledge about these topics. I have included a few links below though for your own curiosity if you want to learn more about these topics. 

Works Cited

Climax Species Wiki.  

Ecological Succession Wiki 

Manifest Destiny Wiki 

Art Entry 3: Nature Journaling 2

My favorite finds these past few months were the two salamanders found on one of my workplace's preserves. I find these creatures fascinating and beautiful! (Please not that if you find salamanders in the wild it is best to leave them alone as their bodies are very fragile, we are trained professionals! And also b/c human skin can be toxic to them when held for very long.)

Seeing my first ever salmon run was also amazing as well! It is one thing to learn about the life cycle of salmon and how they support 137 other species in their ecosystems while in college in the Midwest, it's quite another thing to witness individual fish's struggle to swim upstream and to see their decomposing bodies after spawning. And yes they do smell lol. 

 

Poetry Entry 6: Mutualism

Photo of a conifer planted in a grove of red alder 

 Nature is red in tooth and claw,

so the old saying goes.

Older knowledge still says

welcoming roots and partnerships

are bound in nature as well.

Red alder trees fix nitrogen in soils

which benefit the next generation of plants.

Mycorrhizal networks below ground

connect trees such as the red alder

and pine who wish to share nutrients between species.

We could learn from this generous reciprocity. 

In the oceans coral grows firm,

sheltering photosynthetic zooxanthellae algae 

who in return shares their sugars

and gives the coral its beautiful colors,

reminding us that we glow brighter

when working together.

Fig trees employ aromatic signals

to draw in female fig wasps

to ready and waiting fruits with flowers inside.

The fig wasp burrows inside the narrow tunnel,

often losing her wings and even antenna

so that she can lay her eggs and pollinate the flowers

before finally expiring. 

A story of parental fortitude. 

Our own human ancestors

built relationships with the honeyguide,

a bird who through song and movement

flitting from tree to tree

guided listening humans to a hive

filled with golden, delicious treasure.

If we just listen and observe,

nature and evolutionary history have just as many stories

of community and mutuality as they do of competition.